So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
