This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
