How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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