I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
His hands were made for my vagina.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
