i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
