rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
