she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
