You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
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