i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I still have a little drunk in my system
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Randomize
