Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
