shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Randomize