last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize
