I am puke
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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