Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
