the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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