so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
