you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
