Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Randomize
