i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
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