lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite