Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
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