It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
