I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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