WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Randomize
