hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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