did you get engaged???
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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