so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
