Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Randomize
