I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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