her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
