she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
