then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
