There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Randomize
