Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
