Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
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