this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
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