.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
My dick has a subreddit
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
