I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
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No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
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