i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
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