I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
