Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
