can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
