Where did you get a picture of my penis
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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