you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Randomize
