So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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