shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Why is your signature on my underwear?
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
