mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
