he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
