the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
