i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Randomize
