What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
