I showed him my bush... on skype.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
