Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
