apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
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