I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
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how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
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I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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