i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
