I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
