you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
