What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
