And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
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So squirting runs in the family.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
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He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
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