Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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