I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I can't turn off my feet"
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
