Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Randomize
