So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I have so many feelings about this burrito
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
