i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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