i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
