Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize