I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
